Life this past week

Where to even start this blog....? 

First...the host family. As I predicted........they didn't expect my long vacation this last week....it all started as I was getting dropped off at the airport with a comment of "oh so you are going to Oslo for just the weekend?" ....................long pause............me: "uhhh, no this is the week I have vacation that I asked for a while back"........another long pause........."oh. Does Nina know about this?".....me: "I certainly hope so!"............."well if she knew about this and didn't plan, than its her fault, go ahead and have a good week *smile*" ..................................about 30 min later as I'm sitting at the gate for my flight I get a phone call......................message left for me that I was sneaky and they have a hunch I was keeping it from them this week since I didn't mention anything about leaving....and that they are dissapointed and screwed now for the week and don't have anyone to watch the kids... 

They have known about this vacation over a month before and have been reminded 3 times at least about it and it was written on their calander (which I was told to do) for over a month..

Yes, what a lovely way to start out a week of vacation. And it showed too. I was a wreck all week, even though I really tried to keep my anger, frustration and fear away from others. Unfortunately, i am like an open book. No matter how hard I try not to show my emotions, they just come out in one way or another. It was supposed to be a great and relaxing week. 

I just hate how open I am sometimes about my emotions. It's a curse to always want to talk about my feelings and if not then show them somehow. I have always struggled to find the line between open communication and a little too much information. I have a tendancy to just share everything when some things should just be kept to myself and just not worried about at all. You know, if you share everything you have to someone, you can damage everything with the person you have. Now, I realize I am lucky this time....because Flo is a real trooper and dealt with my uptight, not so nice attitude this week and at the end can still say "I love you, and I will marry you" still.  :D but its still important to be respectful and careful with what I say and do.

I just really want to start to balance my feelings and thoughts and get them organized and dealt with in a healthy way. I really don't know where to "start" persay...but I am going to just pick an area and go with it. I thought about writing more, also meditating and exercising should help. I think organization would help ALOT as well. I think the other thing that will be good is that I will soon be busy with life, unlike I have been in Zuerich or in Germany when I visit so far. This will help ALOT. I make this a priority because my actions affect those whom I love around me. 

As for the week, Flo and I *thanks SO much to Florians help!!* got me registered in Germany as a nanny so I can finally breath a HUGE sigh of legal relief!! :D I am soooooooo glad that this has happened. I finally have a bank account in europe now too!! In Germany,banking is done quite differently, it seems to me... so I have a lot to learn so that is exciting. :)

Another thing that really hit me this week is that I REALLY have to learn german. I say this over and over but I am tired of sitting at the table and everyone else is having conversations and I don't know whats going on, or when I hear my name mentioned and I dont know what the joke is and nobody will translate....its funny but gets to me at the end of the day. SO---its time to get serious. I am carrying my german translation book around everywhere from now on and will try to think more in german and watch as much german as I can on tv etc. 

I have learned this past week (more like the past day) is that when I have fear, the best thing to do is stand even taller and be proud or at least fake confidence until you feel confident. I believe that if you fake it, then it will come faster or better or easier. When you act shy, scared, etc...that leaves more room for others to take advantage of the situation, gives your "power" to the other person (when it might not even be that way...you automatically give it to the other person). This goes for my current situation here in Zurich the next 3 weeks when finishing up this job here. It also goes for german. No matter how shy or scared I am to speak it, I just have to do it loud and proud instead of shy and timid. Who cares if I sound weird or don't say a word right. The language IS hard and I WILL struggle no matter what....but its best to start somewhere and with more confidence. I realize I might need a kick in the butt now and then to remind myself of confidence but overall its soo important to just push through instead of waiting for the approval from someone else to push you. 

Alright, enough rambling on.... :) Wish me luck for the next 2 days....the confrontation with the host family is inevidable. I will prob blog about that after it happends. *ahhh sigh* don't you just love being responsible in this great world as an adult? :D