Off to Dusseldorf

I'm off to D-town to see my wonderful bf for a whole week!!!! I am super excited!! We originally planned to go to Oslo in Norway but decided to cancel so we can save money. I just hope my host family remembers that I am gone the whole week next week. I told them AGES ago and they told me to mark it on the calander and they had those dates saved...I even offered to re-send them the dates but they said no its fine. SO---we will find out later. I dont want to risk them freaking out while I am here haha because whether they like it or not, I'M GOING. :D :D I need a break SOOO bad from these kids and Switzerland and this house. 

SO------I will update later :D and hopefully more pictures will come with Flo and I. :D

xoxoxo

A Good Friend is Hard to Come by

I just have to vent this morning...

WHY is it SO HARD to find a good friend in the world today? Don't take me wrong, if anything most of you who are reading this blog are my good and loyal friends...I'm talking about those who are only there when they need something from you, or who are temporarily interested in you and then decide they want nothing to do with you later on, and I don't mean that only in a "love interest" kinda way..I mean someone who finds your life exciting and then they fall off the earth? Its really sad to see how people can just drop you when you thought they were your good friend. What ever happened to loving, caring, and friendship values?? They are really hard to come by these days. If you are reading this, I am not aiming it towards you, not at all. In fact, I am probably just speaking in a way where you can relate to some of the people in your own life who are just as fickle as some of the people in mine. If you ask me, friends are not disposable. 

I thank you for your love, your kindness, your compassion, and your forgiveness. I love you with all my heart. I experienced a deeper, even more meaningful love than I have ever known existed yesterday. I am lifted up on a daily basis to be better, and I know I can thank you for that. You mean so much to me.

I love you.

Monday Morning

Sitting here, looking at the cursor blinking...it almost feels as if the cursor is shouting at me "type something! what are you waiting for??!".....but my mind grows empty. Of course my mind is racing as usual in thousands of directions with jumbled thoughts, so I thought I would fish one out for you and lay it on here for those to read about my life. 

It's Monday morning, my day off. I hear the buzzer go off upstairs and then silence. Usually Monday is the day that grandma and grandpa come to take care of the kids...and I hear silence. The buzzer goes off again. Finally I crawl out of bed, completely disoriented, clumb up the stairs, up to the buzzer and let them in. Only to discover that it's not grandma and grandpa..its the chimney sweeper. HA so I now get to stay up and hang out with him. :D ...... :P 

Well, its kind of good that I stay up because I was debating on going to the temple early this morning or not. Its about 20 francs one way to get to Bern and well...I think I might just do it. It's my day off, I need some peace in my life and well I get back for free if I stay all day. Oh wait...haha I just looked up when they are open...tough break they are closed Mondays. :D *sigh*

Well, I am still considering going to Bern as it would be nice to go...however what I really think I will do is call ahead and ask for a spot in the Temple hostel and go this friday evening and stay overnight and do baptisms sat. morning. I have this way a chance to go for free if I leave Zurich after 7pm because I have a pass that tells me I can travel wherever I want to in Switzerland for free after 7pm. NICE!! :D I think I am going to start putting this little pass to use the next couple weekends and only stay in hostels or just make a day trip out of things :D I don't know yet. I really need to save my money. Well, for sure though I will go to the temple this Friday/Sat. 

I have LOTS more on my mind right now and I will post more on my other blog of what I learned from my experiences lately. latterdayinsights.blogspot.com

One Step at a Time

This morning I woke up humming a song that I think is very fitting for my situation in my life at this time. 

Jordin Sparks - One Step at a Time

Hurry up and wait
So close, but so far away
Everything that you've always dreamed of
Close enough for you to taste
But you just can't touch

You wanna show the world, but no one knows your name yet
Wonder when and where and how you're gonna make it
You know you can if you get the chance
In your face as the door keeps slamming
Now you're feeling more and more frustrated
And you're getting all kind of impatient waiting

[Chorus:]
We live and we learn to take
One step at a time
There's no need to rush
It's like learning to fly
Or falling in love
It's gonna happen and it's
Supposed to happen and we
Find the reasons why
One step at a time

You believe and you doubt
You're confused, you got it all figured out
Everything that you always wished for
Could be yours, should be yours, would be yours
If they only knew

You wanna show the world, but no one knows your name yet
Wonder when and where and how you're gonna make it
You know you can if you get the chance
In your face as the door keeps slamming
Now you're feeling more and more frustrated
And you're getting all kind of impatient waiting

When you can't wait any longer
But there's no end in sight
when you need to find the strength
It's your faith that makes you stronger
The only way you get there
Is one step at a time

New Start *again* haha

Lately, I have felt the need to be a bit better. It's sort of hard to explain but I think I could just be less lazy and more productive. I mean, I have the kids all day so one can only imagine why I would be lazy in the evenings, but its starting to get to where I am lazy in the day as well. I just sort of sit around all day with the kids and not really do anything productive. Facebook has become more of an addiction now (its horrible....but I will admit it..) and well...there simply is nothing else to do. When I want to take the kids out, it usually ends up being a day from you know where...its already like that here sometimes at the house. Kim won't listen to me now, and its getting worse...and Domi likes to bolt every time I turn around. I must admit though, Dominic seems to be drawing closer to me because the grandpa was here yesterday and Domi started to cry and wouldn't go to anyone else but me. *Interesting* but also heartbreaking. I love these kids so much, even when I get SUPER annoyed with them. Kim came up to me yesterday and made a card and asked if I would write on his card *since he doesn't know how to spell yet..* "I love Rachel very much" 

How cute!! I find it hard being an Aupair sometimes because of this reason, but I also know that this next job will be my last as an Aupair. It's way too hard to leave these kids once they are attached. 

Anyway, back to my laziness issues...I'm not exactly sure how to tackle it. I really believe though that once I move to Germany, there will be no time for laziness. I will be taking german courses 2 times a week, dance school on friday nights and the kids and family on the other days. Then of course will be going to church and if I recieve any callings there as well. I am so excited to be busy like this!! It will be nice. I will be really tired in the beginning, that I am sure of..but once I get the hang of it. There is something I will write about in a later blog (for those of you who don't know what it is...) about the Word of Wisdom and how health is viewed in my religion. It's really great and I think can benefit everyone, not just someone who is LDS or "mormon."  I will post the information later. :) I think if I am following this more, having a set routine of bedtime and activities that my life will be really great! 

As for mental things as well, I plan on ordering my textbook for school soon so I can start working on that! Life is really going to pick up soon. :D

One thing that is hard for me at the moment (even though to some....remaining annonymous ;)...dont think its very hard) but I'm struggling with a decision. When do I leave this current family? I know that I will be joining the family in Germany on the 14th of July but I can leave earlier to head up. This family here wants me to give them more time than 2 months to find an aupair or new solution once I'm gone...but well they have waited at least 5 to 6 months in trying to find a legal situation for me and its still not been done. SO.-- the delimna is...do I still leave early by the 27th of June or wait until the first week of July is over? I want to spend time relaxing, and being with Flo because I will be gone for a whole month to France with the new host family. well..any one want to offer their opinion on this? Its hard because I leave for a week at the beginning of June already for a vacation with Florian so if I left 3 weeks later would that be ok you think? I think thats pushing it but well they havent really made a strong effort anyway. OK well get back to me. :D

Decisions

Here it is, 6.30 am and I'm wide awake. Doesn't matter if I only got 6.5 hours of sleep, well according to my brain but my body says that I need another 4 at least. I have had quite a bit of stress on me lately and its all going to catch up soon. 

I have had alot of decisions to make in the past 2 weeks, and really important ones as well. 

So let me update you on what decisions I have made:

1st, I found a family in Dusseldorf that will take me on to work for them starting in July. 

2nd, I have told my current family my plan last night and it went really well, more than expected. 

3rd, its pretty much said and done. after making such big moves in this area I am sure I am getting married next year. If that doesn't happen, its back to the states for me. 

You know, life is full of choices, and if you just stick to what you know all the time, how is that truly living a full life? I believe that when you have dreams and goals, that you should always push yourself to achieve those and not sit around and live a day to day mediocre life just because it's "normal" or "reality." You have the power to make your dreams reality. As much as I loved Utah and the people, I must say that my dream has always been to live in Europe, and well when I got here, it was hard at times for sure and I have definetly had my homesick moments, but overall I was surprised at how much I really enjoy it over here. Alot of Americans have their "view" on Europe, but I can now say with full confidence that alot of those perceptions are wrong about it here. It really is alot like America here and I'm surprised, especially in Germany. They have SO much from America, people are people just like America only speaking another language. Sure, there are some aspects in the culture that is quite different, but each have the same goal just a different way to approach that. Once you open your eyes and learn that well, thats the beauty of this world, the differences...and when you embrace that is when I believe you truly are living to lifes fullest potential and not being ignorant. 

Making the decisions I have at this time have not been easy, alot of people are involved, yet at the end of the day I MUST create the life that I want to live for myself. It's not meant out of selfishness, its just that I know where I was happy and how I was happy before and I have to honor those feelings. It is absolutely impossible to please everyone with my every choice. Its amazing to see how I have been feeling in making the decisions I have towards Florian and this whole situation. I have included the Lord and my common sense in these decisions and I must admit, out of everything in my life, I have never felt so sure of something before. It's a bit scary sometimes but overall I don't fear. 

Just remember that you are the only person who lives life from your own eyes. Meaning nobody else can live your life like you can and its time you make what you desire. Don't allow anyone to hold you back.

Wilkommen im Deutschland!

This past week/weekend was an interesting one. First, lets start with the bad: 

The host family I am working for right now decided to buy a cat for their kids on wed. only to have their 5 year old let it out the door the very next day. Somehow this is my fault, I disagree, but well the good news is..it came back. They were pretty upset about it, but really, I dont think getting a 5 year old and a 3 year old a cat is really the best thing yet. But alas, what can I say? 

Now for the good stuff: 

While I was in germany, a friend of Florians from his church happened to mention her family she is an aupair for and she is leaving soon in June. Now for some time Flo and I have been trying to decide when and how I would go to Germany. We both have felt that it really is the best thing to move there and as we want to continue our relationship on to marriage, living in the same proximity to the other is the best thing for that! Well, I met with the family ( who is really really great) and everything works out perfectly. It all seemed to fall into place on how and when. Well so: tonight I tell my current host family the situation and tell them I leave Switzerland in late June/ early July and hope thats enough time for them to find a new aupair. I guess it is plently of time for them. I am not sure if they will get angry, etc. but all I can say is: no matter HOW they react I have made my mind up and I will be moving to Germany this year! :D I am SO excited! This opens up so many new and exciting opportunities! I get to be close to Flo, learn how to dance in dance school, go to german school and aupair part time to make some money. It's simply perfect! I will post everyone to let them know how tonight goes with the news being broken. There was no set contract with this family so I would think its fine. and to have 2 months to find a new girl should work in my opinion. :D WISH ME LUCK!!