Feeling a little Baffled in the Moment

I just need a place to rant this time.

When will my life begin? Most say, it already has begun, but for me...I feel very stuck in place. The repetitive questions that keep poping into my mind are the:

1. What do you want to do for a career in your life?
2. What kind of traits do you want to have?
3. Which particular crafts / hobbies do you want to learn or improve?
4. Where am I going (physically)?
5. When can I feel that I have a good start?

Its just funny because I feel sometimes that the only way I can figure it out is when I have answered question #1. But then I realize, that question is influenced by question #2....and so on..
You know how there are just those people who seem to have it all together? The kind who just know what they want to do for a career in life, the ones who have their tastes in genere's and hobbies already? Sometimes, I feel as if I envy them. I am always catching myself, wondering 'Is that something I like?'

Maybe the reasoning for all these questions are simply because I am a little stuck in the moment. I am moving in October, and yet I can't do a single thing where I am going to yet and well...to put it blunt, there isn't much more for me to do here anymore either. I'm not working, just sitting and waiting for the time to pass by. It is excruciating sometimes.
Well and if that wasnt complicated enough, this trying to get the marriage in balance thing is still hard for me sometimes. I have a husband who has his own interests, needs and desires for his life and its important that we dont do all what I want to do without thinking of him too. That is really hard for me sometimes, I will admit. Oh, the curses of being an only child....

But I am learning. I have to seek out for the learning, and I'm not so great at that too often, but when I do I feel liberated! I know I need to simply try as I wrote before, but trying at something that isnt really decided is kinda hard. So the question really is, where should I start?

Today's Daily: The Need to Try

So, as many of you know, I am participating in a Intensive German course that lasts all morning until 1pm. At first, I was really hesitant in going because it is such a big amount of time in my day, but I have been pleasantly surprised thus far. Today was the 3rd day in the course, and we studied on grammar. There was in particular one read that was talking about how technology has advanced in today's society and that the average person has more free time for dinner, etc. than 30 years ago. After reading this, we all discused how we felt about the topic and started to have a real culture sharing experience. I really loved this moment. We discussed how Americans work so much, how the Germans enjoy their holidays, and how each country values the opinions of others.

Half-way through the course we took a break and all of us proceeded to go outside to enjoy the little amount of sun we have left. This was the moment that I recognized my need to try. Here we were, standing in a small group, and everybody was scared to interact with one another. It was then that I recognized my habit of holding back, being scared and turning inward. But someone broke the ice! I was so thankful when the lady next to me started to talk about what I was wearing that day and it was then that I decided to simply speak! Just speak my mind, and try to trust myself that I could communicate my feelings with the German I have. I was so surprised at how much more I know than I thought. We all chit chatted the rest of the time we were in class and it made things so much more fun and interesting! We even had intense discussions about politics, cultures, family life, etc. I felt that at that very moment, when someone felt the need to try, it opened so many doors of communication and friendships.

What made this experience even more special and interesting was around 11pm. A random girl who comes to the classes, never participates, and looks as if she hates every second she is in the room with us came to class. She sat there and it felt like a cold brick of ice next to me. She didnt want to try, and I realized then how important it is to try in this world.

Now, I realize the word 'try' is always beat up for its definition. That famous line from our favourite Star Wars character 'There is no try, only do.' is true! What I believe personally however is that each and everyone of us needs to gain the desire to attempt what seems at the moment the impossible! That is what trying means to me. You leap out of your comfort zone, and you reap something from that.

Diversity

Well there, it has been ages since I last blogged on this blog. As I was walking home from my German course today, I had a thought to start up my blog again. For the longest time, I really felt like I had nothing to write about. I mean, yeah we are moving back to the states, but I never really felt like more than the facts could be talked about... but after my experiences in the last few days, I realize I have lots to talk about.

Every day it is my goal to ponder about something fascinating or interesting and then share my insight on the topic. Today is diversity.

I had something quite interesting happen to me yesterday in particular. It was my first day in my German-Intensiv class, and -as usual- we all had to go around the room introducing ourselves. The first person was from Poland and the next out of the Phillipeans. How interesting! Then, the next came as a swift and stern realization as she announced she was from Iraq. Then, it was my turn. How ironic that the two countries who are battling it out right now (worldwide known) ended up sitting right next to one another in that tiny, muggy classroom.
Now, here is the kicker! - She is trying to get the kind of job I have been dispising since I have been in Germany, and she has no idea how to do it.

So, in my way of extending my hand to her, not only as a person, but also in a way as a country or culture, is to help her find her way in this field. So, today I sat next to her again and she is really a sweet girl. She is a mother of 2 children and recently moved to Düsseldorf. I have been assisting her in class and something that I consider a great wall breaker, is that we are now speaking the informal 'you' in German. We are friends! I find this so ironic that this happened the day after the 10th year anniversary of the 9/11 attacks. God truly is helping us mend our wounds.

I am so proud to be an American, and I am so proud that I was raised to love one another, regardless of race, gender, or culture. I appreciate this beautiful woman from Iraq, and I hope this has helped her view improve a little better of America and what we truly stand for.

Oh- and to add a little spice to the pot, I learned today that one other girl in our class is from Afghanistan. Wow, I have some work to do!

I wish to write this entry for my amazing boyfriend. Part of me wanted to hold back because it might seem like I'm bragging or being a little over the top, but I want others to know that he really is so amazing and I'm very grateful for him! I'm not the easiest person in the world, and well....courting/engagement is not the easiest thing either! But through all our hard times, he has remained consistently supportive, loving and helps me learn. He is a strong member of our church which I really admire and love about him and I take security in this knowing he will always strive to do whats right. He is amazingly smart, sometimes I'm jealous :P and I try to learn as much as I can to be at his level, but honestly, its not about levels. He helps me want to be a better person.
I love him! :D

Quick Update

I haven't updated my blog in a long time so I thought I would tonight. :)
So far, school has been....well plenty of work and then some. So far I have finished a few presentations and had a couple exams with some A's which I am happy about, and I look for the future exams to produce the same results! :D As long as I get to studying..... ;) my motivation has been on overkill lately, just because at times I feel overwhelmed, but it will be done and I am working with the most strength I have to get things done. :)

As for other things, Flo spoke with the german government with regards to paperwork, etc for getting our marriage on the road. I have some documents to get from the US government and then it looks like I will be going back this March to start intense german classes and look for a job. On one side I am nervous as heck! but the other side I am excited! :D

This Christmas, Flo will be here though, in about 6 weeks from this week! :D He arrives in on the 17th of Dec. and will stay until New Years Day. We have lots of fun stuff planned, and I will get plenty of pictures.

Please watch this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KYhDhiojBPA

A Poem for my Love that I wrote

For you, The One I Love

a poem written by me :

I knew from the moment I saw your face,

I had to get to know you in a haste.

I knew for sure that this wasn't wrong,
for the spirit at once spoke to me so strong.

I'll never forget the day when I first met you,
my heart swelled, and I knew what the Lord commanded me to do.
It wasn't easy, I know, at first...
Especially after eating that currywurst ;)
But the way you loved and held me near,
My love for you then became so clear.

I admire your talents that are simply amazing,

which have kept my motivation blazing.

I look forward to the day in dancing side by side,

That day will reward me and my heart with such pride!! :)

You have so many qualities that I desire,

For I know, never a day that comes, will I ever tire.

Sometimes months, sometimes days,
The Lord works in such mysterious ways.

During these times, I've been stretched to use my trust,

However, faith in these times is simply a must.

Darling, I know with our love and persistance,

It's definetly possible to conquer this time and distance.

My love for you has grown in doubles,

Even when I seem to create some troubles.

As long as we keep this love for eternity,

Our spirits as one will be blessed with prosperity.

Your patience and love has seen me through,

I promised once, and always will, give my heart to you.

I love you.

3 Random Thoughts of the Day

#1. Why do people from here think that Europeans don't take showers?! I have smelled more people in the last 3 weeks being here in Utah than I have in a whole year in Europe!!! It's almost like these people don't believe in deodrant, don't believe they smell, have gotten used to the smell, or just don't care. All of the above is gross, period.

#2. I was thinking today, if Utah would spend more money on more public transportation, wouldn't they be actually saving the economy and enviornment like 2 times over? We are spending so much money on rebuilding roads that keep getting torn up. (A utah favorite past-time for some reason..) when our buses are only going until 6pm at night!! ????

#3. I've been feeling really anxious lately, and not really for one particular reason!! I could barely focus today in school! Maybe its because I just need to get more sleep! I also started to exercise again with my first workout today! I feel great! I'm sure I'll feel it in the morning, but its good to get back into running and stuff. :)

Update on my Life

I thought I would give a little update on how my adjustment back into Utah has been going. So far, its been now 3 weeks tonight that I landed back into Salt Lake, and man, did I have a shock coming back! Of course I am American, of course I know my culture, but I forgot a- LOT of things that go on here since I was away and I could literally see the culture in front of me!

In the first week I would say, it was the hardest. Not only because of jet-lag (which did plague me for the first two weeks actually and surprisingly) but because I was having to re-learn or get used to things that were drastic. It might sound funny, but I actually felt uncomfortable around everyone speaking english! It was weird! Obviously I liked that if I had a dire need, I could express that with someone understanding right away, but it just felt strange being able to speak to anyone and everyone!! I still to this very day feel at ease a bit more when I hear german instead of english. *strange*

I have been excited though to spend time with friends that I haven't seen in so long! Only thing is..... I gotta stop eating out with them! haha There isn't much to do here in utah, but go eat somewhere so I will stop. I feel like I have gained about 10 pounds back since I have been here, but I am probably exaggerating a little...my jeans still fit me, only a little tight so I gotta start exercising again and I promise I don't eat out too often!! In fact, the first week I ate out 3 days in a row and then nothing at all until 2 days ago. Anyway, its very important to me to keep slim since it was really a great feeling! I have been seeing a doctor for my back and neck and I feel a little more confident in going running. I will probably just go on a treadmill though so its consistantly even ground for me. You know, I am sure that the reason I am eating so much anyway is emotional.....it's hard leaving someone you love so much! I miss him every single day!! So sometimes I eat when I'm sad...but this is stopping!!!! :D (the eating part of course....I will still miss him of course!)

Anyway, the good news is I am feeling much better about things. I have a job now, that is actually pretty sweet! I can read my homework, listen to my ipod and pretty much do whatever all alone in a little booth and take tickets from people and money! haha I really like it and so far have gotten alot of reading done too! :D

I have a WAY busy schedule though. A typical week goes like this:

Monday and Wednesdays are usually class in the morning, work in the afternoon to night. Tues and Thurs I have classes ALL DAY LONG starting at 9am to 7 or 8pm at night. Then Friday I have work in the afternoon till the early evening. I have a few projects going on this semester too. A research paper to write, a few projects and presentations, then on my free time self-teach myself german! I am taking a german class now, but its a simple class, so I am pushing myself a little more. THEN on top of all that I have an extra class in psychology that I originally had started when I was in Europe....but really, I am confident I can do this, and it really helps keep my mind off of being away from Germany and Florian a bit. It makes it easier, lets put it that way. I know that what I am doing has a total purpose in it, and it makes me happy every time I think about it!

Anyway, thats about it for now! I should probably update my life on here alot more! Last, but not least to end this blog with some fantastic news that I am very much so looking forward to!!! In about 15 weeks I get to be with my sweetheart again for a couple weeks!!! This is SO incredibly exciting!

Funny Wedding Video of my Friends Wedding!!

My friends wedding.....I just HAVE to show it because its crazy funny!! LOL :D Congrats to Mr. and Mrs. Engstrom!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I3E9U3GDrmI




Hahaha!!!

Adjusting...

Well, I am back in the United States of America. I was on a flight for 12 hours from Duesseldorf, Germany to Los Angeles and was scheduled to fly out on a plane the next morning into Salt Lake City. I was quite lucky though and was able to take the next flight out that night and was moved there for FREE by 2 really nice ladies at United and so I arrived into Salt Lake late late on Sat.
Right away I was able to notice the differences that I went without for so long.
I feel so strange being able to talk to someone and feel confident they understand everything I am saying fluently! I still feel strange when talking to others at a store or something like that.

I must say though, this change is quite sudden for me and I think the reason its so hard is because in my mind and heart I was not ready to come home. I really worked to embrace the European culture because I felt I would not be coming home, at least not for a longer term basis.

In a way, I am glad to be home so I can recover from all the stressful events that happened, yet already there are so many little things that I grew to love and made part of me that conflicts with things where I currently am, but with strength from the Lord, patience, understanding and flexibility I can make it through. I feel so incredibly lost though to be honest. I was struggling a little in Germany as well because I felt that I was in between cultures and discovering my very own. I still feel this way, but I know all of this is to strengthen me in so many ways for the future.

I am going to be going to the temple today in hopes of some added strength and understanding in many areas of my life. I have a tendancy to be impatient, and with recent news I have really suffered in being patient and I get down on myself, the situation, etc. It is something I want to change and make positive and be strengthened because it is what matters the very most to me and I would be lost without it. I know that I am being stretched to the limit and I am determined with all the love I have, with the faith I can be helped and courage to move forward that it will come to pass.

As for being here in Utah, I am so grateful for all my friends and the love and support they offer me. I have had alot of fun being around them and seeing them again after a year.
I will start school this next monday and am looking for a job and I hope that things will be a little smoother in these areas. :) I am excited to start institute up though!!!

I am grateful for my blessing from above and I pray I can live up to the standard I am expected to, otherwise I wouldn't be given these trials.

Grateful for Eternal Families

I woke up this morning with an overwhelming sense of happiness and desire to share how grateful I am for families! I know that some of you reading this may not be part of my religion but I just wish to share how grateful I am for it, especially in how it teaches that families are eternal!! I desire so much to have a strong family bond in my own personal family. A family can help lift one another, teach each other hard lessons but still love each other in the end. I am excited to be my future daughter's best friend! Or to be a strong support and confident for my future son! (I hope I have at least a son and a daughter :D ) I also am excited to be able to teach my children personally and mend them in my own special way without having to worry what others will think or say. (Meaning...I won't be an aupair and have to report into the parents.)
I am so grateful for all that our Heavenly Father has blessed me with, especially the knowledge that families are eternal!

Frankfurt Temple Trip

On Sat. for my last weekend in Germany for a while, I went with the Farrow's to the Frankfurt temple. The temple actually is really nice, just very different from most temples I have been to. The entrance is a little different (if you don't use the front entrance...) but I really liked going to the temple. I felt so much peace there and knew everything would be ok.

We woke up and were on the road by 5.30am!!! SO--- in some of these pictures I look WASTED tired, because I am. :)

Firefighting- Ratingen

I need to update my blog! Lots of things have gone on so I will do the little things now and then when I am back in the U.S. in a week I will write more.

So-- firstly, I was able to join Florian and his brother in their Firefighter activity/practice the other day and it was alot of fun! I really enjoyed seeing what Florian does and I got excited and even wanted to try it once! :) I have alot of respect for these guys and what they do. Here are some pictures of the time I was there! Also, the last picture was probably the best of all! Its not so easy to see but at the end of the practice they had me dress up in the firefighter uniform and stand in front of the firetruck with the unit!! It was so exciting and they will be posting the story on their webpage with Florian writing the information on it! I will post that when it comes up! :D

Fresh Start in Germany

So I thought I would write a seperate blog away from my leave to Switzerland because I really want to emphasize that I really started a new. Since the first day I got here I have felt SO much better about many different things. I can literally feel a little lighter in how I walk, think, and act and its such a relief to be happy again! So far I have been able to spend some time with Florian and his family, and also start to get to know others in church and do some fun activities with them. Well, so far it was only one but it was a great one! We went to another members house for a birthday dinner and it was just some girls and I and it was so much fun. I also have been able to start a little of my studies for school which is another uplifting thing for me. I am catching however that I am getting a little lazy on that so I will take the necessary steps to avoid laziness and set deadlines for myself on it. I am studying Cognitive Psychology right now and really excited to learn more about the brain.

I feel that the balance between my relationship with Florian and everyday life is really going great! I really enjoy going out in the day at times to do my own thing and to see him at home in the evenings. It brings me joy to my heart to see him come home or I come home to him, even if we aren't always trying to spend every min. together once we are home, just being around him makes me feel comfort. I feel our relationship has grown even stronger and will continue to grow and I am so looking forward to the future.

Right now, during the weeks before I join my new host family I am helping out a family in the ward with their kids now and then. They have 3 kids who are very active, and its sometimes a challenge because my body is getting used to relaxation and then its up to taking care of kids again, but I really need the extra money so its no grudge. I also am going to the new host families house to water their plants and mow their lawn while they are in France. I am not sure I have given too much of an update on the new host family. Right now their house is being remodeled and therefore the family has a house in Nice, France and will be staying there for 2 months. I will be joining them on the 15th of July and will stay there for a month, then I will be back with them to Duesseldorf. Time is going by faster than I would like it to, because I really do enjoy living at home close to Florian. I don't have to see him ALL the time but it is such a blessing to come home after a long day to see him. :)

Right now Florian has alot to do for school. He has 8 exams he will have to take in Aug/Sept and its very crucial he passes. If he misses on one class it is a possibility he might not be able to graduate until 2012. Germany has a different set up with school and its very intense compared to American schools. You are able to study a topic here in Germany and you are allowed to fail a test 3 times, but once you do not pass the exam for a third time, you are never allowed to study that topic every again in ALL of Germany!! Well, I pray for him and he will do well in passing his exams, I have confidence in him and he is doing all he can to study for these big events.

Well, thats pretty much it for an update for now, I am so grateful to start a new in this great city and country with amazing people in my life around me. I miss home, yet am starting to really feel comfortable here in Europe.

My Last Days...in Switzerland

Hello one and all!
I am so sorry that I left so many of you hanging from my last blog! I actually thought about posting this today and saw that I had a friend comment that I needed to update, and it is well needed! Let me pick off from where I left off and catch you up to now.
Well, after what seemed to be a long night I woke up in the morning and decided to stay living with the family until my time was done. I think this felt like one of the hardest things I ever had to do, and time didn't seem to go by fast enough. Another 2 weeks and I was done, and already a week before my body seemed so anxious to leave! Overall the family was nice to me, although you could tell that there was distance and a slight awkwardness to the situation. I couldn't leave the house fast enough when the dad was home, as I really wanted to just get out and away from the situation in general. I was lucky though as there were quite a bit of activities I could do such as family home evening, institute, hang with the missionaries once and some other friends and then play piano at the church. It is funny because when I look back at it now, I prayed that the time would go by fast, and it certainly did, only the times I stopped to think of things and then it was slow.

My train ride here was such an amazing one. The missionaries helped me with my bags to the station and onto the train (because they were really heavy!!) I had 3 in all. One giant rolling one, a giant duffle bag and my computer bag. I left a last bag in Switzerland with a friend who will be traveling up to Germany soon so I can grab it from him. Anyway, the train was seriously like a walk through time and into a new chapter in my life. I say that because each place that it traveled through had a very significant memory of my time in Switzerland. It went through an old station that I used to wait ALL the time at in the winter when I was with the first host family, then through Basel where I met all the aupair girls at, then through the station I first arrived into Switzerland for my Nanny experience and through the station I took my first journey into Switzerland on from Germany. After I passed this last station, the stress started to pour off of me. I was so grateful at that moment for so many different things.

First I was grateful I was gone...finally out of a place where I felt lonely. Second, I realized how much I had grown up in this time (10 months) in Switzerland. I had been through some very hard times there, and had to stand up for myself as an adult many times and it made me so strong!! I was convinced and really did a great job at simply leaving all the hard times, rough emotions behind in Switzerland and really start a fresh start here in Germany.

An Interesting Night

Wow...tonight got ugly.....from my host dad. I approached my host mom and apologized for the mix up that took place the last week when they didn't plan my vacation. She was really cool about it and admitted that she forgot completely, etc. I also mentioned if they could pay me weekly (as we don't have a contract...etc so I can be assured I am getting paid.) Well when the host dad came downstairs I approached him to apologize and he went off! He wouldn't let me speak a word and kept telling me not to talk and that he didnt want to talk about it! Finally I got a word in and said this involves me too..and its a big risk to wait till the end to get paid...and then he said loudly that its just a risk I will have to see and take and if I dont want to I can leave now. but Nina spoke up and was like...NO......but well I just left to go downstairs. He then came down and apologised but then got really personal and attacked the fact that I was leaving them just how I did my last family I worked for and all this for a boy I barely know to get married to...etc. and how everything was my fault and now he had to work holidays because of me..etc. Well...anyway needless to say they both emailed me now and are assuring me that I will be paid the full amount at the end of the month. Now the decision is up to me. I know I am a strong girl...and I have had ALOT ALOT ALOT thrown on my shoulders this past week. I got to a point I just thought it was too much to carry and felt SO helpless!! Too much pain and stress that my body just felt horrible. After much praying, fasting...and faith however it is amazing to say how much my burdens have become lighter..I know I am a strong person and I'm sort of leaning on finishing the goal that I originally set! If they do not pay me...its a big lesson I learned...if they do pay me..it will be a blessing as that money is really needed for future events such as travel to utah this fall or german classes. It may seem like the next 13 days will be a black cloud of thick smoke almost unbearable but I can handle it. If they promise to keep their end of the deal I will do my part. Now...this is what I say right now but I will pray about this tonight and see what I feel. Florian and I looked over what they say they owe me and it seems a little screwy that they are ripping me off quite a bit. They say they only owe 644 francs at the end of the month. I just dont know what to do.....let see how I feel in the morning.

Just another tribute to Bryce, I found some awesome videos of him. As you can see he was always the life of the party and I am seriously going to miss him so much.

Bryce's Pants Dance

Chooks

I am seriously going to miss you Bryce. You always made me laugh!!!

By far, this has been the the most challenging weeks I have ever experienced, at least to knowledge. I have had two people who have made such a HUGE impact in my life pass away this week. I would like to pay tribute to both them.

Aunt Pauline

For as far back as I can remember, my Aunt Pauline has been in my life. She was always the one Aunt I was really close to out of all the Aunts and Uncles. She always had a smile on her face and I can hear her laugh clear as day everytime I think about her. She was one of the most selfless people I have ever seen or heard as well. Not only did she take care of an elderly lady overnight, but she took my grandma in and took care of her until my grandma died. She even took in another old lady (super cranky...) while she was taking care of my grandma. But most importantly of all to me, is how she took care of my dad. My dad has Multiple Sclerosis for those who don't know, and he is barely able to get around. He is completely immobile and uses a wheelchair. However as the illness was in its younger stages, my aunt would often take him swimming to help him with his legs and to get him out to do something. She often cooked meals for him and always served him first at family gatherings and such. She also was very active in the LDS church and always serving others there too. I love how I could always just go to her and tell her my problems and always feel comforted by her and her suggestions. I am seriously shocked at the sudden passing of such a wonderful lady, and I am so happy to know that her passing seemed to be quick and peaceful. She was sitting outside in a chair with the mail on her lap and a look of peace on her face. I am also SO glad that she was able to serve the mission she wanted to serve. She went to Tenessee on her mission and got back last October. I know she is going to be such an awesome missionary on the other side as well. I love you "grandma" Aunt Pauline. I will miss you.

Bryce Moss

I truly am saddened by the passing of Bryce. My heart hurts to know that such a loving, funny, and amazing friend has gone too soon. Bryce has always suffered medical problems but despite all those problems he remained positive and always tried to make people smile. I think back to so many different memories with him but the one that sticks out with me the most is how he personally would build on our friendship. I was having a really hard time and he picked me up and drove me to temple square at 10pm where we just sat and talked and looked at the temple. He really knew how to touch others lives and was one of the funniest guys I know. I have moved to and from Salt Lake many times but have always remained such good friends with him since I was 16. Him and I shared so many personal moments about our growing up in life as teenagers and into adulthood. He was such a fighter and I know he is up there strong as ever!

Answered Prayers

This morning I was given the opportunity to listen to a talk by Russell M. Nelson, and was blown away at how my prayers were specifically answered. He really spoke straight to my heart, only I didn't feel like his words were only from him...I felt they were straight from the Lord's mouth. I recently had someone who I loved very dearly pass away. My Aunt Pauline. It's amazing because when I stop to think about her death, for the first time I smile!! I know of the sweet reunion she is experiencing on the other side. She is now with her husband she has been without for almost 10 years, and is joining her mother and father (my grandpa and grandma), which I know without a doubt is such a happy time for them. I am so grateful for this gospel, for the plan we have to know where we can go after this life and what we need to do on this earth for guidance. Although this talk I heard this morning didn't really relate to the passing of my Aunt, other prayers were specifically answered, and this I can testify with President Uchdorf that the Lord does answer every prayer.

My heart is full this morning with the spirit and gratitude for this gospel and the opportunity I have to listen to our apostles and prophets at even the click of a button. I am so grateful for everything I have, even when I have hard times. Its so easy to get caught up in the hard times, yet when you bring the spirit in and really strive to be better, the Lord will help you. He has helped me and will help you! I heard a song also this morning that I wish I could find the lyrics to. Its called "Joy in the Journey" by Julie de Azevedo.

I will try to post it here:

I know this gospel is true, and I am so grateful for the light it brings into my life everyday!